Darkness and light are inseparable. To know light, one must understand the dark. This article lays out the power of darkness and its necessity in our lives. By Satori Renascence.
Dark Age
“I’m frightened by what I see
But somehow I know there’s much more to come.”
-Evanescence “Whisper”
Even at an early age, my desire to understand the world had already brought me much pain. Events and people had hurt me, including (what should’ve been) my own playmates. They seem to test how tough a pampered child like me can be in their vicious circle. Oftentimes I would go home in tears, albeit still hopeful deep inside that someday I’d find my own place on earth.
My overly protective Mom would almost imprison me in the four corners of our home - away from the things that could endanger me. Even so, her encouragement that I could prove my worth to my adversaries further fueled my hopeful and stubborn heart. That is why I never stopped learning, but this time I learned to be cautious.
My curiosity had found a way to feed its appetite even if a day out to play was limited and even if my night time was filled with stories of monsters that made me think twice about my actions. But my curiosity, as I have learned through the years, had an innate inclination to the dark things in life. And even if I slowed down a little in my exploration, darkness had its way to prove its worth to be known.
Otherworldly entities would often visit me in my sleep, at nights when I would least expect them to. Because of that, I learned that darkness was not as scary as what most elders would make us believe. The usual visits of these entities wiped out all my chills on horror movies and made me step into the doorway of darkness, which I always had a natural attraction to.
Journey To The Dark World
“Before the truth goes back into hiding,
I want to decide ‘cause it’s worth deciding
To work on finding something
More than this fear.”
-Duncan Sheik “Half-life”
In my growing years, I often found myself unafraid of (and drawn to) “dark” things. In TV shows or movies, I would often love the antagonists especially when they had dark hair, dark eyes, and secretive and daring personalities. I also learned of the importance of putting the antagonist to propel the show or story towards its exciting intensity or climax. To me, they showed the real difference in people by providing the opposite.
I started to get bored with romance novels and began pulling mystery books off their shelves. I guess that all the pain that I once had known awakened me from my fantasies and prompted me to gear myself for more to come. I felt that my passion for digging hidden things intensified as the years went on. I came to believe that things concealed required perseverance to understand and discover them. And often, these things are in the mysterious cloak of darkness. Finding them the hard way brings about wisdom to the seeker. And these hidden or dark things can also be found not only in books but in people as well. I, with the help of fate, searched for ways to understand people and explore their dark natures.
In my 21 years on earth, I would often feel compelled by people with tears behind their smiling eyes. Silent individuals, lonesome and detached personalities, abandoned and maltreated people pulled my heart. If anyone will review the friends I treasured the most or whom I spent most of my time with, they would be those with dark pasts, different ways of thinking, deep feelings, and hidden pains. They would be those often cast out, misunderstood and avoided by most people.
My other friends would often wonder how I managed to survive the seemingly difficult natures of such a variety of personalities - dark personalities that most people would not welcome in their lives and have difficulty comprehending.
What they didn’t know was that these individuals served as instruments in my greater understanding of the world. These “dark” people had shared a lot of things with me and were brave enough to be themselves above the homogeneity of a hypocritical majority.
Inside The Locker
“I wanna feel just like before
Before the rain came in my door
Shook me up turned me around
Made me cry till I would drown
Stole the daylight, brought the night
So much anger I would fight
Lost my youth and the blue
Saw all the loneliness in you
Wanna help you give my love
Shine some light out from the mud
Fill the empty find a rhyme
A brigther day a better time
But I'm wondering where I'm gone
Can't find the truth within my song
And all I have give to you
To let you know you're not alone.”
-Andrea Corr, Caroline Corr “No More Cry”
With these thoughts I remembered someone named Jan Gerald who became my classmate in my senior year in high school. He was the nephew of our adviser’s husband. We were told that they were forced to transfer him to our school from his all-boys’ school because his classmates mistreated him.
Everyone was drawn to him at the first day of class, and I wonder who wouldn’t. He was a Spanish mestizo with a fair share of spectacled brown eyes. But everything turned sour when the class discovered that he was “different”. His weird gestures and his silence manifested signs of autism that repelled people from him.
Despite this difference, Gerald was a bright lad in Science, Mathematics and English. This, I believe, caused more trouble for him because my classmates were illogically insecure about his genius. We belonged in a Special Science class, and having a bright stranger like Gerald to enter the scene without even taking an examination like we did seemed to endanger their position in honor roll.
Even though our adviser assured them that he wouldn’t be receiving any honors on graduation due to his short stay in school, they still perceived him as a threat and treated him badly. They often laughed at him, embarrassed him, and reprimanded him publicly.
One thing they deprived him was a share of the lockers provided for the senior special science students. No one wanted to have him as a co-owner of his or her locker. My female best friend for three years and I saw all of these so we took the initiative to have him share our locker.
My best friend and I were a little isolated from the class because we didn’t believe we have to be part of a group or gang to survive our secondary education. Most people in class felt they were cool and superior to even try and welcome Gerald in their circle. Being almost secluded like him, my best friend and I understood how he felt.
His unusual behavior sometimes irritated us too, but as I saw it, we were more understanding with his situation. He had an undesirable attitude in using the locker, but we explained it to him with utmost patience and care. And so we shared several harmonious times together.
In the long run, our classmates’ maltreatment pushed him to the edge and made him spill out all his pain. I remembered some of the words he said. He told us that he did not want the “demon” in him to get out. He was afraid that he might repeat the same incident that caused him to leave his previous school. Most people still confronted him with aggression, but several like us defended Gerald and felt sorry for him.
This reached the knowledge of our adviser who became mad at our class. Amidst that anger she told us about the sad childhood of Gerald. He had no playmates, but was never a demanding child to his parents. He was contented with simple toys though his parents could afford to buy him the most expensive ones. Actually his father was like him, but the former had outgrown his difference. He became a computer genius and worked abroad in a big company. Our adviser believed that there was indeed also hope for Gerald to improve so she felt disappointed in us, whom she saw as intelligent people.
I never felt guilt, unlike others whose pride were always swelling. Unlike them, I felt fine because of the thought that I never treated Gerald badly. I learned things from him, and my best friend and I also helped him with some things he didn’t know how to do.
Despite this good treatment I assure you that I did not receive any special favors from her aunt, our adviser, who was always angry with me for my tardiness in school. I guess Gerald never told her about me and my best friend, but I never wished that he had. I did not see myself as an opportunist but rather as a person whose understanding became wide by having people like Gerald in my circle. And that was enough reward for me.
I saw a fair light within his dark nature, which showed in the locker the three of us shared. At times, he might have had it fully packed with his big books and lunchbox, and on other times, he might’ve kept it messy. But this guy knew how to make amends, and he tidied the locker when we least expected him to do so.
I owned the two keys for the padlock which I bought for our locker. One I shared with my best friend and the other we gave to Gerald. Among all the other lockers in class with their glittering designs, I saw our locker as more special. Not just because of the big and beautiful Egret lock and the neat and simple exterior we had but rather because, inside it, the three of us shared a special productive bonding.
Our senior year thus ended. During graduation Gerald marched with the regular students and not with our section. This was because he was not an official special science student. But for me, he belongs to us for he is truly special in his own way, and we know that ourselves.
He failed to return the duplicate key to me, but that seemed like a symbolic incident. That key was like the key to his friendship with us. We have given it to him freely, and he can keep it for as long as he wants.
Necessity Of Darkness Into The Open
“Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the shadow”
-T.S. Eliot “The Hollow Men”
There are evil things we know of or agree on in society, however, these things vary for each culture. My point is that not all dark and hidden things are bad. There are things in the dark we can discover through the spark of imagination, which can help improve our earthly living conditions. From this we create new things and gain knowledge. This is perhaps what Albert Einstein meant in his saying, “imagination is more important than knowledge.” Because before we can achieve the power of knowledge, we still have to take the first step – imagination.
And what is the closest form of darkness we know of? It is silence from which our solitude gives us the opportunity to discover ourselves – our strengths and weaknesses. And eventually this discovery, imagination, and pondering or analysis makes us understand our world in a different or wider scope. With this silence, we are offered a point in time and a haven to think and dig wisdom. It is where we find rest, where we get relaxed, and where our mindset becomes smooth.
While it is true that sometimes darkness harbors evil and secretive deeds, nevertheless it is essential for us to know the difference or the opposite of things. It is a part of the duality of life. Tell me how you would know light if you have never known darkness. How could you say you are happy if you have never been sad?
Embrace this fact, and don’t be a coward to know even your ugliest side. It is from these dark things that we gain reform and rejuvenation of our old selves. It gives us the chance to explore but still with caution. Truth hurts but it can set us free. Never let your discovery overwhelm or damage you. It is unwise to avoid exploration, but it is also stupid to be heedless of our actions.
Darkness And Light Inseparable
“closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there
say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black.”
-Evanescence “Last Breath”
There are days that end awfully in my life - when I go home crying in disappointment for a dream broken, a heart shattered, a spell failed or a fight lost. But inside me I always know that that darkness is there to lend me respite and to help me think things over. Darkness, who embraces the arms of sleep and the whisper of silence where I could rest and rejuvenate to improve myself, will always be there.
Here in the dark I won’t deny myself the freedom to cry and to feel the pain again. Depriving me of those things would destroy me. It should keep me in the knowledge of the opposites – pain and pleasure, success and failure. And in the times I falter, I will remember, of the people who were mistreated but all stood up and went out in the light to show the better persons they have become.
I look around and see the wisdom breathing on everything. Darkness and light are inseparable. The stars and the evening sky tell me this. The shade between trees and sunlight reminds me of this.
Darkness could make us grope for things, forcing us to ask for light. For that we should be thankful. But we should also remember too much light could also be blinding.
Wherever, whenever or whatever we fail from, always think that:
“And you’re always free to begin again
And you’re always free to believe.”
-Barbie “The Princess and the Pauper”
We always want to be free from darkness in our lives. But to learn that we are bonded to it also sets us free. Because, as what Barbie said, “Sometimes being free does not mean you have to run away but also to stay.”
What she meant by “to stay” is to remain attuned to our inner selves hiding in the darkness. It is where enlightenment also comes from. If knowledge is power, then knowing the dark side of us liberates us from our fears and doubts about ourselves.
About the Author: Born under the sign of Taurus, SATORI RENASCENCE has the deep qualities of a pure “Number Six” person. He is very much inclined to arts and loves to express his ideas and emotions through painting and poetry. He has a strong connection with his inner world. Above all, he is the usual diplomat in any situation and cares for humanity and nature.
© 2006 Manggagaway E-magazine. Articles may be distributed freely on the condition that all accreditation is acknowledged, no part is altered and this notice is attached and the website: http://manggagaway-central.blogspot.com is included. ~ Thank you
I just finished reading the entire 60-page exposition of the new Primer to hit in town! I was referring to the infamous Primer on New Age which was release early last year. Too bad, I never had the time to review this on a much earlier stage but then again as the saying goes “…better late than never!” Anyways, after reading the first few pages of the Primer, I cannot help but get confused with the primary intentions of the Catholic Church towards the publication of this material. And it seems that after painstakingly reading the whole 60-page Primer, I still get this feeling of vagueness on the subject matter. I suggest to the readers that they add this Primer to their collection because this is by so far…how should I say this... the friendliest approach towards anything that is non-Christian, or non-Catholic Christian that is.
