Awakened… Not Until Today

Witchcraft isn’t all about power. Join Ostara Wissenblack as he starts to pick up the pieces he left in the Craft. Read and be inspired with his awakening. By Ostara Wissenblack.

Lightning bolts, fireballs, thick mists, and a bit of change in the room's lighting. These are the things I wanted to see when I cast a spell. Hey! Don't blame me. Television shows and movies, whose plots revolve around witchcraft or the use of magick, usually incorporate such effects to add highlight and drama to the scene. Despite knowing that none of these would happen, I was still hoping that the Goddess can make a one time exception for my birthday.

The Invocation of the Sacred Spirit
Hear now the words of the witches
Hear now the words of Thy child.
I invoke Thee, the Divine Knowledge,
I invoke Thee, the Secret Wisdom.
From the lips of the first witch known
Traditions passed to generations
On wind or cloud, over storm or sea
Give me the power that belongs to me.
So shall it be!
By the Four Corners of Space
East, AL
West, IH
North, AGLA
South, ADNI
And the Four Elements of the World
Earth
Fire
Air
And Water
I call upon the Ancient Powers.
Give the powers unto me.
I want the power, grant me the power!

It was the night of the spring equinox, the night when the forces of darkness and light are in perfect balance, and most of all, the night of my birthday. Can there be any other time more perfect than that? I had been in research mode for more than four years with regards to the Craft and I realized that the time had come to apply what I learned in practice. Though prior to this night, I had cast minor spells that never really worked, tonight was different. It marked something new. It was the turning point of my life when I actually embraced witchcraft, not just as a mere interest, but as my life.

I have always believed that witchcraft was never about the power. It is about the knowledge -- the knowledge to harness the limitless powers around you and tap into the consciousness of the Divine to accomplish your will. It isn't just about spellcasting. Wicca was never just about spellcasting. But I have to admit, it is a big part of it, and it was that part that sucked me into the Wiccan life.

I was actively using magick in my every day life. I cast spells for locating books in the library, slowing down time so as not to be late, enhancing my memory to absorb more information during reviews, and even something to make me pass exams. You see, spellcasting is really about being clear on your intentions. Looking back, I wish I had cast a spell not just to pass the exam, but top it. Next time, I'd be more specific.

As these "simple" spells worked, I tried going up the ladder, trying more challenging magickal feats. But of course, I never put my heart away from the Wiccan Rede, "An it harm none, do what ye will!" More than this, I was seriously contemplating on the fact that magick is a gift, and like other gifts, it should be shared to others. I was certain that I wasn't blessed with this gift just to make sure that I pass my exam or that I find the right book. I have this for a special reason. I have this so I can help people and save innocents.

And so I did! Well, it wasn't really the Charmed way of vanquishing warlocks and of kicking demon-ass to help innocents, but it will do. (Though honestly, I was really wishing it would be Halliwell-ish) I then decided to join a campus-based organization that caters to the students' interest in the paranormal. I was never an extrovert and I usually prefer being alone but my experience with the UP Paranormal Society was different. It was not just the paranormal interest that bonded us together but knowing the fact that somewhere out there, there are also people like me who want to be alone, not because they’re weird, but because they want to find out why most fear the unknown.

Though I was still new in the Craft at that time, I was amazed that I could impart what I know to the other members of the organization who wanted to take the same path. As I mentioned earlier, I also used magick to help some fellow orgmates in situations that would greatly need some assistance of the supernatural. I cast a spell with one of my orgmates to temporarily heighten her senses to make her sensitive to unseen forces. It was a bit freaky, but that's the whole point of it. I also remember using my magick to find a missing person and discover who stole someone's mobile phone. These are the little things that we thought are so shallow but actually meant big to those people that we've helped. For this, I'd always be proud that I was there when they needed me.

As I got to be more familiar with witchcraft, certain changes started to happen, both inward and outward. Internally, I felt more confident about myself and I wasn't as frightened with things I was usually scared of before I took the Wiccan path. In the outside world, I can see that people tend to "notice" me more as I have found for myself an identity that stuck to their mind. And fortunately, there were no shallow-minded people who judged me for what I do. I guess they really understood that it is who I want to be.

Being with a group also made me bolder as I dared to do more complicated and pseudo-dangerous magickal works. It was triggered by a certain ritual that I together with 3 of my orgmates did to shield a certain building from the presence of non-human entities. Originally, we were just supposed to do it for cinematic effect to an event that we sponsored, but surprisingly, it worked. The energy in our circle was so intense that I can actually see the energy patterns move around us appearing like streams of different colors. I wasn't the only one who saw it; at least two other persons who did the ritual with me saw this too.

After this, I got bolder and wanted to go another step up the ladder. If I can pull off such a trick, I bet can do other big stuffs as well. Though I never really did any ritual that is Enochian or Qabbalistic in nature, I used their principles to create my own spells that would allow me to test my magickal adeptness. Soon, I was able to awaken some dormant abilities. I learned how to tap into other people's emotions, have premonitions through dreams and flashes, do a bit of mind-reading, and use other "gifts" I never thought I have, or would have.
Along with all these came more changes in my life. Some people started to fear me for what I do. Others do not agree with me dabbling into the Dark Arts. But despite their negative feedbacks, I kept a deaf ear and craved for more. I did a spell to enter someone's mind to know his secrets, I also asked for the Furies help to take revenge on someone who has wronged me, and I even used magick to break up a couple. Little by little, I was throwing myself further from the kind of witch I initially wanted to be. There were consequences for all these, I know that. Some of them really brought me pain, both literally and metaphorically. But for me, it was all worth it.

Until one day, I woke up and realized that everything has gone so dark I cannot see who I am anymore. I've destroyed the very identity I chose for myself and even lost important people in my life due to my unending hunger for knowledge and power. I have abused the gift that was given to me, and now, it is either they have been taken away from me or I can no longer tap into them.

Several times, I tried to retrieve the “power” I once had and go back to the path I once took, but somehow, things are no longer the same. Casting a spell is not as easy it seemed before. Even making rhymes for incantations don’t seem as handy as before. I looked back to that day when I did my dedication ritual, and now, I realized, I have never been truly awakened until the day I lost everything I had. Not until today.

Magick was never about the power, nor of the knowledge. It is about respect: respect to the gift of the Goddess to harness the living energy around us, respect to this energy that manifest itself in every object around us, and most of all, respect to others’ choice to live in magick-free world. Magick is not a power that is yours for the taking. No one owns it and it owns no one. It is part of each and everything that exist. You can only tap into it, borrow it, and return it when you’re done. Once you have mastered this, then everything else should follow. Hopefully, this time, I have developed much respect to be given the right to tap into it again.

From this moment on, I would never want to be asleep again…


About the Author: Twenty-four year old Ruvigor Jake Gillera is working for a hotel chain in Makati. He finished at UP Diliman with a bachelor’s degree in Hotel and Restaurant Administration. Using his craft name, OSTARA WISSENBLACK, the author has been practicing witchcraft for 12 years and Wicca for approximately 8 years. He is a firm believer that no ONE religion is correct. Today he starts to pick up the pieces he left in the Craft and tries to relearn as much knowledge as he can.

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