Breaking Through

Following the “voice within” can be difficult but going against “the voice” can be even more challenging as Gladeshadow’s experiences reveal.

By Gladeshadow.

“The hardest shell to break is the one that encloses the mind…”

The year 2003 was a period of trials and tribulations for me: my career was not moving as expected, my relationship with my family was at its all-time low, I was having trouble with my housemate, and I had two failed attempts at maintaining a relationship (in a span of six months). Worst of all, I was experiencing a “spiritual desert” – no sparks in my rituals, no revelations during meditations, nothing new in my search for Wisdom. I was like a blind man roaming aimlessly, bumping into anything and everything on my path, getting hurt and hurting others on the way.

My Path
In my desire to develop my skills after graduation, I took on jobs that took me away from my family most of the time. Assignments outside Manila and the Philippines lasted one to two months on the average, leaving me with about a week of rest to spend with my family in-between assignments.

A few years after graduation, I decided to live on my own. I was enjoying the independence I was experiencing at having a job. And I was meeting people! That was the most fun part of it. I was dating, going out with new friends, and basically just having a blast!

After a while, I took on a new job. I started out full of high hopes and expectations. This was THE DREAM JOB I was looking for. After years of working hard, I have finally gotten to where I wanted to be!

Her Path
At about the same time, I was internally putting down “the voice inside of me” that was urging me to re-evaluate my priorities. Most of the time, I came out of meditation feeling challenged and questioned. Crossroads and goal posts were constantly appearing in my dreams and visions.

I could not, however, accept as “truth” an idea which would “endanger” my new found independence. I was repeatedly telling myself that to let go of this thing I was enjoying was to take “one step forward, two steps back”.

It was at this time that I found myself experiencing a spiritual drought. It was as if the Lady got tired of me and left me on my own. I was cut off from the Web, or so I thought.

Our Path
That was how I entered the year 2004. My career was at a stand still. Projects were hard to get by. Clients were holding on to their funds. Bills continued to come, one after the other. The promised security remained just that: a promise.

Adding to the turmoil was the strain in my relationship with family and friends. I was spending less time with people who matter and more time with those who don’t. I was indifferent to their needs for attention and support.

And then, at around the middle of the year, my Guide spoke to me. Though I could not understand what it meant at that time, I was just thankful that She spoke to me once more. Wisdom is revealed at the proper time. As the year progressed, other revelations were given that helped me make decisions. It was as if a new chapter in my life has begun.

I moved out of the apartment I was sharing with a friend and moved back in with my family. I was, and still am, glad I did. I was once more spending more time with family – “breaking bread” with them, watching TV programs together, doing chores (yes, chores!) together. We were bantering, quarreling, laughing and solving problems together, much like the old times. I saw how my one-year old nephew learned new tricks each day, saw his first steps, heard his first words.

I had to let go of some of my acquaintances and renewed bonds with old friends. Apologies were made with some, while others needed none.

By the later part of the previous year, a new revelation came. I had to “work with my hands”, my Guide told me. Prior to that time, I have been told that my “power” resides in my hands. I was excited! It was a confirmation of a message given to me almost a year before. And yet, it was not as I expected.

Opportunities came from unexpected frontiers. A new hobby became a welcomed income generator that keeps me awake well into the evening but leaves me smelling so clean. Recently, I was offered a job totally different from what I have been used to do, even as the company I was working for (the one that offered me my dream job) folded. The new job entails a lot of contact with people, something I normally would not do. Diverse as these two opportunities might be from each other, one thing binds them together. Both require that I literally work with my hands! The Universe does have a sense of humor.

I still have so far to go and so many things to learn, but what I learned is to keep an open mind to the workings of the Universe, to trust my Guide, to listen to Her Voice, even as my other senses tell me otherwise. I am always reminded that as I accepted Her Call, She requires trust and dedication on my part.

About the Author: Having grown up under the shadow of organized religion, GLADESHADOW sought dogmas and teachings that he could integrate into his own developing personal belief system. He is currently trying to learn more about Philippine Folk Spirituality, having received a burden to “practice your own”, Philippine Shamanism and Nature Magick.

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